We behaved as if the summer would go on forever. A few days at the beach, a brief girls trip, but mostly day-to-day…going to meetings, eating, chopping, running, spinning, for you; shopping for groceries, walking, yoga stretching, washing sweaty clothes, preparing dinner, cleaning the kitchen, for me…the ordinary, the mundane…the sharing of meals and chit chat to the background clutter of podcasts and political reality TV. I almost got used to it.
As the large and small suitcases appeared on your bedroom floor I started feeling sad. And I didn’t understand it. It’s not like you haven’t done this before…many times before. This time felt different to me. I felt a way overdue (10-years) post traumatic empty-nest-syndrome coming on. No more coming home for vacations from school. No more school. No more home-base for worldly adventures. No more living at home until the next take-off to wherever. The next step, no matter how impermanent or worldly it may be, will likely not involve setting up shop in the bedroom of your childhood with glow-in-the-dark stars tenaciously stuck to the ceiling. It will not include bedtime rituals revisited nightly where, if I am lucky, I can get a glimpse into the truth of my child’s being. It will, at most, serve as a stopover on your next leap into the world of adulthood.
So, I was sad…and a little reluctant…and anxious. I made reservations for Dad and me to fly to NJ so we didn’t have to say goodbye two weeks before you actually left the country. We packed and weighed and repacked your suitcases and said our goodbyes at the Newark airport, another déjà vu. We went back to Larry and Ruth’s and distracted ourselves with mahjong. And we got on a plane the next day to begin our own adventure and bypass the empty-nest thing altogether.
Receiving your first call and hearing your smile put us at ease. I forget how adaptive you are, how well you know what you need and how persistent you are in going after exactly that. I remind myself that you always manage to be exactly where you need to be, even when you’re not quite sure where that is.
Although, I’m not sure how you will survive without your vita-mix to fulfill your food-in-jar obsession, I am glad that, at least, you have a SCOBY.
So, Dad and I are here, forging out a slightly different routine than our usual at-home one. We eat a late healthy breakfast (Shaina style, yogurt, fruit, oatmeal), walk 4-6 miles a day doing errands or real hikes, visit grocery stores and mostly hang out in the neighborhood.
We went to a concert in an old school theater, Shakespeare in the Park, 2 different street fairs (on the same day), an author event at the local bookstore, minyan at one temple and Shabbat services at another and I got a library card. Dad went to his first conversational Spanish class and scheduled a drum lesson for later in the week.
Every morning last week we were awoken to the sounds of a crane demolishing the building across the street (a long overdue project) and we became immersed in the daily drama of deconstruction.
We have a favorite Thai restaurant. I buy fresh cut flowers weekly. I do laundry. We clean. We are acting like we live here. It’s easy. It’s comfortable. I feel very retired and indulged. All good.
I am cooking my first real dinner tonight. I bought fresh wild Alaskan halibut, dandelion greens for a salad that was being sampled at the grocery store and golden beets and sweet potatoes. It feels like a very indulgent dinner. Making fish reminds me of you and all the fish dinners I made this summer to ensure you got your protein fix. In fact, buying fresh fish at the Fishmarket may become my newest trigger for remembering this past summer when we all pretended that you lived at home.
Dandelion and Arugula Salad with Tiger Figs and Nectarines
This salad complements the fish well with its grassy flavors and lemony dressing. The fruits added a sweet surprise just when you thought you couldn’t handle one more tart bite.
- 1 bunch dandelion greens
- Juice of one lemon
- A handful or two of arugula
- 1 nectarine, cut in wedges
- 3 tiger figs, cut in slices
- 1/4 cup cured black olives
- Finely sliced purple onion to taste
- 2 tablespoons olive oil
- 1 tablespoon apple cider vinegar
- 1 teaspoon spicy mustard
- salt and pepper to taste
Wash and dry dandelion greens and remove tough red stems. Cut up leaves and toss in a bowl with lemon juice. Allow greens to chill in the lemon juice for about 30 minutes, while preparing the dressing and the rest of the ingredients.
Prepare remaining salad ingredients.
Whisk mustard and olive oil.
Add remaining ingredients to dandelion greens. Add dressing and toss thoroughly. Add salt and pepper to taste.
Halibut with Lemon Caper Sauce
This is a relatively easy dish to make and the ingredient amounts are forgiving. Taste often and listen to your instincts. You can never have too much garlic or shallots! I added roasted golden beets and a baked sweet potato to round out a very satisfying meal…with wine, of course!
- About 3/4 lb of fresh wild Alaskan Halibut
- Salt and pepper
- Fresh garlic, chopped or thinly sliced
Season the fish lightly with salt and pepper.
Melt 1 tablespoon of butter in a non-stick or well seasoned frying pan and add chopped garlic.
Cook over medium heat until butter is lightly browned and garlic is aromatic.
Add seasoned fish and cook on both sides for about four minutes on each side or until fish is cooked through and flaky, but not dry.
Set aside on a heated plate and cover with foil.
Lemon Caper Sauce
- 2 Tablespoons butter
- 1 tablespoon avocado or olive oil
- 1 shallot thinly sliced or chopped
- 2 garlic cloves, chopped or sliced
- Juice of one lemon with zest
- 1/3-1/2 cup white wine
- 1 teaspoon capers
- 2 green onions or chives cut up
- 1/4 cup cut up fresh parsley
- Salt and pepper to taste
Add additional butter and oil to fish frying pan and sauté garlic and shallots until fragrant. Add wine and lemon juice and increase heat to medium high. Boil until sauce thickens slightly. Stir in parsley, capers and lemon zest and season with salt and pepper.
Pour warm sauce over fish and serve immediately.
Garnish with parsley and cured black olives.
Tears rolling down my face as I lie in bed reading your words Esther.
What a Beautiful, spirited, heart-felt post. I sure recognize what was happening to you at this separation that you described so well. Food like I like! (FYI, if you have to use nonstick cookware, it is now accepted fact that it should never be used above medium heat or you risk the toxins in the nonstick chemicals leaching into your food, and when scratched, throw it away.)
Thanks for your comments and for reminding me to clarify about non-stick cookware. I actually only use non-stick ceramic cookware because it doesn’t scratch and seems to be ok. Thanks for reading.