Dear Shaina,
I was almost ready to put this blog to rest, but I just couldn’t do it. If nothing else, it tracks the trends of our lives in ways that help me remember our meandering journeys.

I just went to our site and to my HORROR, it’s expired. It hasn’t been renewed. If I had any ambivalence about continuing, it’s gone. I am not ready to let go. I didn’t even know it could expire, never to be seen again!

I started writing… I stopped… and now it’s a few hours before Rosh Hashanah and we have company coming for dinner. I’ve been cooking (something I don’t do very often in Portland) and Dad’s been cleaning (something he has gotten very good at in Portland). I am determined to finish this and send it off before the setting sun brings in the New Year. That means no editing, no obsessing over every word and no angst about the message.

2017 has been a whir of activity; travel, weddings, house repairs, farm renovation, physical therapy, more travel and more weddings! Having you home for 6 weeks this summer just amplified the pace and the speed of time passing. It was all good. And it’s Rosh Hashanah again! Where did this year go, again!?

Tomorrow you will arrive in Portland to celebrate Rosh Hashanah with us, to see our little Portland home and to share some time together. Dad and I volunteered yesterday to help set up for services at the event center where our urban temple holds services every year. It’s a major undertaking and we’re beginning to feel a little more at home in this community. Having you on the West coast, for however long you’re here, makes it even easier to allow myself to settle in.

It feels like there are big (or maybe small) changes coming in our lives this year. A new job for you and who knows what life changes for us. I’m feeling the need to go through our Birmingham house and sift through the trash and the treasures and lighten the load. I have even had the thought that it may be time for you to do the same with your childhood room. I can already hear the commentary from friends and family. “Long overdue.” It’s about time.” I actually don’t quite understand it myself, this desire to somehow maintain the illusion of permanence in things. I am going to start slowly, maybe in the attic where I am already removed from whatever stuff is up there… if for no other reason than to lighten the burden for you. And who knows, maybe letting go will propel me toward what ever changes await.

Ok, back to cooking and cleaning. Your bed is made and your room is ready! Cant wait to see you tomorrow night.

Wishing you a Happy and Healthy New Year…  a year filled with success and growth, reason and truth, peace and hope and love throughout!

Shana Tova,
Love,
Mom
xoxoxoxooxxoxo

Rosh Hashanah Dinner in Portland

Cooking and entertaining in our teeny condo is a challenge, but I think I am mastering it. A simple dinner is the key. We’re starting with Mocked Chopped Liver, then on to a gefilte fish loaf I made served with Horseradish.

The salad will be topped with roasted sweet potatoes and Brussel sprouts and pistachios so it counts as a veggie, too. The main course will be a one bowl meal of chicken soup with chicken and carrots and matzo balls and noodles. Not too many dishes, but still counts as a holiday meal.

I was inspired to create a new honey cake recipe based on what I had in the house. I will let you know the reviews, but at least it looks a lot like Bubbe’s Honey cake. Of course, there will be Challah and wine…as always! You’ll get the veggie version tomorrow night!

Esther’s Honey Apple Cake

Yield: 2 9” loaf pans

• 3 Cups flour
• 2 t Baking powder
• 1/2 t baking soda
• 2t cinnamon
• 1t salt
• 1/2 Cup oil
• 2 eggs
• 3/4 Cups honey
• 1/2 Cup date syrup
• 1 Cup brown sugar
• 1/3 Cup strong coffee
• 1Cup orange juice
• 1T lemon juice
• Zest of 1 orange and 1 lemon
• 2 apples peeled and chopped into small pieces

Mix together flour, baking powder, baking soda, cinnamon and salt and set aside.
In a large bowl, mix together oil and eggs. Add honey, date syrup and sugar and mix together. Add coffee, juices, zest and thoroughly mixing together.

Add dry ingredients too liquids and beat thoroughly by hand until well blended. Add the chopped apples and mix together.

Pour mixture into greased loaf pans and bake at 350° for about 50 minutes or until top is browned and toothpick comes out clean.

Let cool for 20 minutes. Remove from pan and enjoy a sweet New Year!

Dear mom,

I started seeing an herbalist in the Old City a few weeks ago when I had the flu. I went back yesterday to get more of the flowers he gave me for sleep and he asked if there was anything else I needed. I told him yeah, I need something to make me less crazy. He gave me an essential oil to put on my pulse points for self-esteem. Ancient wisdom. I paid him 25 shekels.

herbs

I’ve started and stopped writing this letter over five times. In December, I wrote you an angry rant about hating the world. In January, I redrafted the letter into a grumble of sadness on being so far from home. In February, I wrote a page about cauliflower. I never posted any of it, I think because I didn’t see it as important. As if!

Bought my first yellow cauliflower on way to Qalandiya checkpoint – these are a winter special in the West Bank – people are really excited about them – perfect for Maqloobeh

It’s the longest I’ve gone without writing, but taking a sec to reflect on the purpose of our letters was productive, I think. We’ve lived really far away from each other for ten years, and I don’t only mean distance. For me, this letter-writing thing started as a shot at giving you a glimpse of my unreasonable life, which often feels way distant from yours. Like, sending a recipe for mint chutney seemed to be a good way to show you what I was doing in India rather than explaining how I lived without a real plan. A Yemeni bread recipe was easier than writing about what I was learning in Jerusalem back in 2013, and my paleo-broccoli-jerky creations translated my Berkeley life better than I could have done with words.

But I’ve been doing something else in the letters. At some point I veered from sharing my experiences with you to belittling them. In September 2013, I wrote that I didn’t know why I chose to move to Jerusalem and that I didn’t think I’d ever figure it out. January 2014: “I don’t know anything… I have so many unknowns that I don’t even know what I don’t know.” May 2016 when I graduated from journalism school: “I still didn’t understand what it’s all for.”

Looking back on our letters made me realize I’ve internalized my life as totally unreasonable. My self-deprecation in the letters is honest. I sometimes really do feel like my life is a total joke. At times my self-esteem is so low that I forget I’ve made all my “unreasonable” choices based on values that are one-hundred percent clear to me. That I calculated and deliberated on all my decisions in a serious way. I’ve always known exactly what I’m doing. I just have trouble owning it.

Enough. Next time I start whining about my life full of nothing, call me out on it.  Instead of using these letters to share my unreasonable life, I want to share the sensible parts with you. Like the time I made beet salad with Mulu, an Ethiopian woman in Jerusalem. And ate Shatta with Reem, a Gazan woman in Ramallah. And made psychedelic 3-color tahini all alone at home in the Old City, which by the way I’m totally in love with. Also I watched a goat slaughter again.  The recipes are below.

view from my rooftop

Xo,

Shaina

Mulu’s Beet Salad

• 3 beets
• 3 white potatoes
• 2 raw onions
• 3 cloves of garlic
• ¼ cup lemon juice
• 2 jalepenos, seeded
• pinch of ground fenugreek
• salt

Boil beets until soft. Boil potatoes, separately, until soft. Peel skins of beets and potatoes and chop into 1 inch cubes. Chop onion, garlic and jalepenos. Mix with lemon juice, fenugreek powder and salt. Enjoy!

Reem’s Shatta

• 20 hot chilis, red
• 4 cloves garlic
• 2 cups Olive oil
• ½ cup Salt

Processed with VSCO with f2 preset

Processed with VSCO with f2 preset

Put all ingredients in food processor and blend until salsa-like consistency. Put into glass jars and cover with a cloth. Allow to ferment for at least a week before sealing in an air-tight jar. Reem said she can’t get spicy enough pepper in the West Bank to real Gaza Shatta, which she misses so much that one time she went ot Jordan to meet a friend who brought Shatta from Gaza through Egypt.

Three color tahini

Base:

• 4 cloves garlic, minced
• juice of one lemon
• 1 cup tahini
• ¼ cup warm water

pink:

• 1 beet, roasted

green:

• 1 bunch parsley
• 1 handful fresh basil
• a few sprigs of green onion
• a few fresh mint leaves
• (basically anything green you have in the house)

First mix pure tahini with lemon, garlic, water and salt.

To make it pink, blend the base mixture with a roasted beet. To make it green, blend the base mixture with all the green herbs you have. Layer or eat separately. I like mixing it into shredded carrots.

Dear mom,

It’s been awhile. I’ve avoided writing because talking about myself right now feels boring and pointless. This is the longest I’ve neglected our blog in almost 5 years.

It’s a shame. I’m cooking all the time and have a lot to share with you. In October, Natasha and I planned a seminar for our group about resources in Gaza and hired a Gazan chef to do a cooking demo for us. She taught us how to make stuffed spinach pastries and a lentil stew with pomegranate juice.

Samah, the mom of the family downstairs, constantly shows me new tricks. The coolest thing in her fridge is a hard, dry yogurt ball. She dissolves pieces of it into hot Cauliflower stew. Also pre-hollowed vegetables! They’re sold everywhere in the Old City. When I came home with a kilo of cored carrots a few weeks ago, Samah gave me a brick of tamarind and showed me how to make it into paste. I boiled stuffed turnips and carrots in it. Earlier this week, guys at a bakery across the street invited me to make pastries filled with date mash. The bakers call them kaak al ajwe or “bagels with dates,” depending on who they’re talking to. The kaak looks like puffy yellow flowers. It doesn’t taste good.

2 kinds of kaak on the floor

Samah’s fried eggplant

I’m doing other stuff too. My group regularly meets to talk about things like leadership, communication, being Jewish, personal growth. People cry a lot. My advisor is making me sing and act to help me get over my shit. In our first singing session he said I wasn’t tone-deaf and I was like what! I lip synced through four years of high school choir. So I confronted you about it over the phone. I will remind you of that convo.

I asked you why I’ve identified as tone-deaf since as long as I can remember, and you said I was never tone-deaf… That you and dad are the ones who are tone-deaf.

Huh? I asked you to tell me something you’re good at.

You: We’re good at a lot of things!

Me: Like what?

You: A lot of things!

Me: Name one

You: You know…

Me: Say it.

You: We’re good at WORK!

Me. Ha… ok. Anything else?

You: Of course!

Me: What?

You: PERSEVERANCE!

Me: Hahaha ok.

Dad in background: I’m good at rhythm

Me: Other things you’re good at?

You (condensing tone): Your father’s smart… at least he thinks he is!

Me: Why can’t you just say you’re smart?

Mom: Of course, it’s all our fault. You know, things could have been worse. Just remember, you’re an only child. You could’ve been really fucked up!

Me: I am really fucked up!

My life right now is all about trying to be less fucked up, but like… the world is in failure mode and I’m sitting here, gazing at my navel, picking apart my problems. What’s the point? Like, I have a lot of shit and it’s probably all your fault and it’s not that big of deal. I could have been really fucked up.

I’m giving you three recipes in this post because I owe you big time. Syrian green freekeh salad, Samah’s mahshi (stuffed carrots) and romemiyeh, eggplant stew from Gaza.

I live here

Can’t wait for you to visit and see all the strange stuff for yourself.

Xo,

Shaina

Samah’s Mahshi/Stuffed Carrots

• A dozen carrots
• 1 cup rice
• 1 cup lentils
• 1 tbs olive oil
• 1 tsp pomegranate molasses
• 2 onions, chopped finely
• 4 cloves garlic, chopped finely
• bunch of parsley, chopped
• allspice
• nutmeg
• cinnamon
• salt
• pepper
• Tomato paste or tamarind paste

1. Mix rice and lentils and cover in water. Let soak for 4 – 8 hours.
2. If you can’t buy pre-hollowed carrots, peel them and boil for 7 minutes until soft. Remove from heat and put them in cold water. Make sure they’re not too soft or they’ll be hard to core. I’m pretty sure the carrots I buy are cored with a drill… I have no instructions for how you should core them, but I’m sure you can figure it out. Save the carrots insides to plug the ends after you stuff them.
3. Drain and rinse rice and lentils. Mix with spices, parsley and onions. Feel free to be creative and add other chopped veg and spices. Last time I added zucchini and smoked paprika.
4. Make a broth. There are two options: tomato broth or tamarind broth. I’ve made this recipe with both. Tamarind paste seems to be the more coveted option, but I like the tomato version better. Maybe it’s just familiarity. Mix tomato or tamarind paste with dashes of salt, pepper, nutmeg and/or cinnamon.
5. Stuff carrots with lentil, rice spice mixture. Again, you have two options at this point: Line stuffed carrots in a deep pan, cover with tomato or tamarind broth and bake at 300 for 45 minutes – an hour. OR cover carrots in a deep pot and simmer over the stove for 45 minutes – an hour. I’ve tried both methods and prefer the oven. Again, familiarity.

Green Freekeh Salad

I’ve been working my way through the #CookForSyria campaign. I’m learning that a lot of the food here has Syrian influence. Samah says a lot of her dishes including my fav eggplant and yogurt thing are Syrian. Apparently kaak al ajwe, date bagels, is also originally Syrian.

This is the prettiest dish I made from the #CookForSyria campaign by chef Saima Khan

• 2 cups green freekeh
• 1 pinch sea salt
• 1 bunch flat-leaf parsley
• ½ bunch chopped fresh mint
• ½ bunch dill
• 1 bunch spring onions, finely chopped
• 1 can chickpeas, drained and tossed with cumin, smoked paprika and lemon juice
• 1 pinch cumin seeds, toasted and ground
• 1 garlic clove, minced or puréed (optional)
• 1 tbs pomegranate molasses
• 1 tbs date or apple-cider vinegar
• 6 tbs good olive oil
• handful of pumpkin seeds
• 1 pomegranate, deseeded
• handful of almonds, cut and toasted

Add the freekeh to boiling water and simmer for 15-20 minutes. Drain and rinse in cold water.

In a large bowl, toss freekeh with chopped herbs and chickpeas. In a separate bowl, whisk together lemon juice, oil, cumin, garlic, salt and olive oil, then toss with grains. Toss with pomegranate, nuts and pumpkin seeds. Garnish with extra pretty things.

Romanieh (lentils and eggplants cooked in pomegranate sauce

Chef Ayat Dina (she was on Israel’s version of Masterchef!) showed us this recipe during our seminar on Gaza. Ayat left Gaza at 18 and lives in Jaffa.  Her dreams are to do more cooking workshops, open a restaurant and see her 8 siblings who are still in Gaza. The last one probably won’t happen due to Israel’s harsh restrictions on movement to and from Gaza. She’s an amazing cook and has a great sense of humor. 

This dish is really special and surprising.

• 1 cup green lentils
• 7-9 cups of water
• 2 medium eggplants, peeled and cubed
• 1 cup FRESH pomegranate juice
• juice of 2 lemons
• 1 teaspoon cumin
• Salt to taste
• 6 cloves of garlic minced
• 1 teaspoon sumac
• 1 and 1/2 tablespoons flour
• 4-6 tablespoons olive oil

Add 7 cups of water, cumin and the lentils to a pot. Bring the water to a boil, then simmer for 15 – 20 minutes. Add eggplant and half of the minced garlic, continue to simmer for 20 – 30 minutes. Add salt and sumac. In separate bowl, mix flour, pomegranate and lemon juice. Add to lentils and stir until thick. In a pan, fry the remaining garlic in olive oil. Add to lentils. Remove from heat and garnish with pomegranate seeds and parsley. Serve over rice, with pita or naked.

Dear Shaina,

I would never take down your glow-in-the-dark stars! I won’t even throw out your Fruit of the Loom underwear from third grade without your permission. And I take full ownership of my feelings! I think you’re projecting! Although, I do appreciate your attempt at psychological interpretation. Of course, it’s my problem! I thought we were supposed to share our feelings in these letters. Feelings aren’t always rational, orderly or predictable and I know you know that! Not to worry…I am proceeding full steam ahead with my own life and quite proud and satisfied to be a supportive observer of yours. I am quite OK and as far as I can tell, so are you.

In the meantime, the years-months-days-hours-minutes keep flying by! In the last few months, I’ve immersed myself in at least three radically different lifestyles…urban hoofing it, accompanied by backpack or grocery cart everywhere for everything we need and do – to suburban car commuting, accompanied by NPR on the radio everywhere for everything I need and do – to barefoot days of walking the white sand beaches of the Gulf Coast with nowhere to go and nothing to do. It’s disorienting and refreshing. Then there’s the mail…hold, transfer, deliver, stop-hold, deliver, hold, stop-hold…never-ending paper to shuffle through.

My days (and nights) are filled with obsessively watching the news (I am horrified by the undercurrent of racism, divisiveness and fear in our country), walking, going to yoga, playing mahjong, doing volunteer tasks and catching up with neglected house chores. I laminated my newly minted Medicare card and signed up for a Medigap and prescription drug plan. I renewed the expired car tags, the ones both Dad and I swore we had just renewed… Where did a whole year go?

I bought a PC laptop so I could install my newly purchased financial management program to make my bookkeeping life more manageable. What was I thinking? Talk about a learning curve…the software and the hardware! My eyeballs have computer-rot (there must be such a term)! You know, when your eyes go out of focus and you feel like there are teeny protruding nodules embedded in your eyeballs. I am challenged and determined and have talked to more tech people in Bangalore than I care to admit.

And I am still trying to wrap my head around how it is that 65 years have fast-forwarded into this moment. My brain and my body seem to be holding up, despite over 51 years of Type 1 Diabetes . To say, “I am filled with gratitude” is an understatement. I would not have chosen a life with diabetes at its core, but for all its challenges, it forced me to commit to living my life consciously, with a full heart and with appreciation for every single day. For that, I am also grateful!

I will miss celebrating my birthday with you. I do plan on capitalizing on this momentous occasion for at least a month (if not the whole year), so don’t hesitate to call me anytime to make my day.

I definitely have been neglecting my cooking duties, so don’t expect much in the recipe department. Is this really a cooking blog anyway?!

I love you and miss you! As always, call your mother!

Love,
Mom
xoxoxoxooxxooxoxoox

Easy Chicken Dinner for Two

Who has time for cooking? I am beginning to understand why people stop cooking when they are only cooking for two. Most nights, it’s salad and vegetables and sometimes a veggie burger or a tuna fish or grilled cheese sandwich. Every once in a while, I buy a piece of fresh fish or take out a couple of chicken breasts.

Easy Chicken Dinner for Two

• 2 chicken breasts, cut in strips
• salt and pepper and any other spices if *desired(basil, oregano, tarragon) to taste
• 1 whole onion, sliced in wedges
• 1 teaspoon chopped garlic
• 1 tablespoon olive oil
• 1/4-1/3 cup sun-dried tomatoes packed in oil
• 1/2-3/4 cups raw cashews (or any other nuts you have around)

* I used salt, pepper, garlic and a little oregano

Sprinkle cut-up chicken with salt, pepper and any other spices you lie and let sit while preparing onions.

Sauté sliced onions in olive oil in a 10” sauté pan until they are translucent.

Add the chopped garlic to the onions and continue cooking until onions are caramelized but not deeply browned.

Add the chicken strips to the onions and garlic and cook over medium heat until cooked through, turning over as needed.

Add the sun-dried tomatoes before the chicken is fully cooked and continue sautéing until the chicken and the tomatoes are browned together. Add the cashews and cook until nuts are lightly browned. It should take about 15-20 minutes depending on the thickness of the chicken. Add salt and pepper to taste.

I couldn’t resist buying this beautiful branch of brussels sprouts, but it made a whole lot of brussels sprouts. After one night of eating  just roasted brussels sprouts and salad for dinner, I decided to add some chicken. I had leftover tomatoes and cucumbers (no lettuce left) and found some sun-dried tomatoes and raw cashews in the frig.  The next thing I knew I had a very easy and tasty 20 minute meal. Perfect for busy retirees!

I  cut up the tomatoes, cucumbers and a little onion and dressed this salad with olive oil, balsamic vinegar and salt and pepper. I cut the brussels sprouts in halves and quarters and roasted them with a little olive oil, salt and pepper.

It was one of the tastiest meals I’ve cooked in a long time…and super easy!

Dear mom,

I don’t get it. Are you threatening to take the glow-in-the-dark stars down from my bedroom ceiling? Why would you do that??

Your letter would have made more sense 10 years ago… or in 10 years. My pattern of living far far away for a bit and not so far away for a bit hasn’t changed since I graduated high school. I can’t tell if what you’re saying implies that I haven’t been an adult for all those years. And if I’m not an adult, do you think spending a year on doing personal growth activities like yoga and contact dance is going to grow me into one?

Girl please.

adulting

Last week my yoga instructor busted me for checking email during shivasana. Nothing about my life is changing.

I’m going to gently suggest that your empty nest PTSD is a projection of your own anxiety about impermanence and/or liberation from mothering a child. The trigger is your nestlessness. Your problem, not mine.

I know it’s hard to tell, but I’ve been grown for some time now. You are free to build a new life without me in the background. Uprooting and rerooting is hard, but you’re doing it and it sounds like y’all are flourishing. It’s nice to hear about dad’s Spanish class, your new mahjong friends and your favorite neighborhood restaurants. I’m trying to find the same shit here.

so adult I can even take care of animals

If you need to take down my glow-in-the-dark stars for your own liberation, fine… I guess. But if you’re suggesting I sleep in the basement next time I’m home, sorry. It’s not happening.

Xo

Shaina

It’s almost time for our annual Esrei Yamim cleanse (learn more about the 10 days between Rosh Hashana and Yom Kippur when we eat only whole, vegan, refined-sugar free foods). We’ll be doing the fundraising component again with a very cool new partner. Stay tuned, Arielle and I will explain more soon. To get things started, I’m posting a throwback to one of my favorite cleanse recipes. Arielle and I invented it during our first cleanse back in 2012 and it’s been my go to ever since. See? Nothing has changed.

The Golden Purp

• 1 tbs olive oil
• 4 cloves garlic, chopped
• 8 oz of firm tofu, sliced into one inch pieces

• 1 tbs olive oil
• 1 onion, chopped
• 1 tbs carraway seeds
• 1tsp allspice
• 1 head purple cabbage, chopped
• 3 tsp sea salt
• black pepper to taste
• 1/4 c golden raisins
• 1 granny smith (or other tart) apple, chopped
• 1/3 c apple cider vinegar
• poppy or sesame seeds for garnish

Heat olive oil in skillet and add chopped garlic and tofu. Fry until golden brown and remove from skillet (place garlic and tofu in separate bowl). Then, saute onions with caraway seeds and allspice over low heat in olive oil until onions are translucent. Add chopped cabbage, salt and pepper and cover for about 2 minutes over low heat (cabbage should become tender, but remain crunchy). Then, add chopped apples and raisins and stir for 2 more minutes. Add apple cider vinegar and cover for one minute (the vinegar will turn the cabbage bright purple!). Remove from heat and stir in tofu and poppy seeds. Enjoy immediately over brown rice (and yogurt) for a hearty meal. It will stay good for a few days, but beware: the raisins will soak up the juices and become bloated, which is scary and gross.

Dear Shaina,

Maybe we’re just a family that likes transitions. We seem to find ourselves at that edge over and over again…and we kinda like it.

I’ve started measuring my transitions in relation to bathroom facilities. In the space of a month, we journeyed from a very large home with a 180 square foot master bath complete with soaking tub and walk-in steam shower to a 110 year old, 586 square foot condo with a single bathroom measuring a mere 5 x 8 feet, maybe.

A week long jaunt off to Berkeley for your amazing graduation (we’re so proud of you) afforded us a one room “cottage” sporting a toilet at one end of the room and a kitchen sink at the other, leaving us to find our way to a novel outdoor shower right outside of the cottage.

After returning to Birmingham, we made our annual trek to the Acoustic Cafe music festival where the facilities consisted of Porta-Potties, pumped well water and…well, we skipped the shower altogether.

We managed to get ourselves clean and relieve our bodily waste in much the same way in all locations.

The more obvious adjustment occurred with the convergence of people and stuff. More precisely, you and three hundred pounds (that is actually an underestimate) of your stuff returned to the bedroom of your youth.

You actually did a pretty good job of making it disappear pretty quickly. The laundry room was pretty active for about a week. We all started eating a little healthier. Visits to the grocery store became a little more frequent. New routines and rules began to emerge…your rules. No TV in our bedroom after you go to sleep, and no talking either, due to your highly advanced and sensitive hearing capacity, even with ear plugs.Forget anything else we might want to do in our bedroom.

It’s a transition…we’re used to being on your own.

Then there were the kitchen activities, mostly a pleasure. You chopped, I wiped. You dropped, I swept. You dirtied, I washed. It worked.

The Vita Mix fiasco was the I Love Lucy moment for me; Dad on the step-stool with his phone camera strategically poised above the Vita Mix as explicitly directed by you, me delivering ingredients upon demand, and you confidently tampering away at your culinary creation.

And then, WHAM! You opened the lid, as you had done hundreds of times before, the blade hit something still frozen and the rest was a gloriously executed explosion of chocolate and raspberry goup splattering the walls, ceilings, floors, chairs, hallway and even your ever-tolerant father. He wasn’t happy.

You immediately said you would clean it up. I laughed and grabbed my camera. I had the best time ever!  Watching you scrub that ceiling and those walls…Bubbe would be proud!

Only children are often over indulged, self-centered and spoiled. We made an effort to not overpower you, but when it’s two to one, as it always is with an only child, the odds are automatically stacked. We encouraged your independence, self-reliance and self-determination. You don’t typically present as an only child. More often than not, you were a quiet, undemanding and too easy to get along with child. We were secretly pleased when we finally had to punish you for lying to us when you were 15 years old and you shocked us by standing up to us, while we whimpered about the broken bond of trust in our tiny enmeshed family.

You are the poster child for “nature vs. nurture.” Your innate calm, thoughtful, easy-going qualities were cloned directly from your father, along with his feet. But nurture apparently had its way with you. Along with my eyebrows, you seemed to have acquired a few of my louder more authoritarian traits. It looks like you’re stuck with a pretty strong dose of both of us.

We couldn’t be more proud of the young adult you have become (although we don’t necessarily want to live with you). You found your voice and it’s one hell of an amazing voice! But don’t worry. We’re used to transitions…and we absolutely love this one!

Glad to have you home…for a short while, anyway!
Love,
Mom
xoxoxoxooxoxoxoxoxoxo

It’s summer time and there’s not much cooking going on. The garden is beginning to take hold and a few things are landing in my kitchen. Most of these recipes are modifications of some old tried and true ones, but with every new season, there are new variations. The quantities aren’t precise so use your judgment and know you can’t go wrong with a little more or less of any ingredient in these dishes. Enjoy!

Squash Casserole

• 2-3 pounds yellow squash
• 5 carrots
• 1 onion
• Vegetable bouillon to taste
• 8 tablespoons butter
• 1 cup greek yogurt
• 1 teaspoon fresh minced garlic
• 1 – 2 cups grated aged cheddar cheese
• salt and pepper to taste
• 3eggs beaten
• 1 cup seasoned bread crumbs

Cook cut up yellow squash, carrots and onions in a large soup pot filled with water and vegetable bouillon to taste until vegetables are tender.

Drain vegetables when cooked into a large bowl. Broth may be reserved for a soup base.

Add 2-3 tablespoons of butter to the hot vegetables and stir until melted. Using a stick blender, blend all the vegetables together to your desired consistency.

Add yogurt, garlic and half the cheese and mix thoroughly. Taste and adjust salt and pepper.

Add eggs and mix together.

Heat up a casserole dish (or several small casserole dishes) using a little of the butter in a 350° oven.

Melt the remaining butter and add the bread crumbs and remaining grated cheese for the topping. Pour squash mixture into heated casserole dish(es) and top with bread crumb mixture.

Bake in 350° oven for 45-60 minutes until topping is browned and casserole is set.

Fennel Slaw

This is another summertime favorite.  Easy to make. Light and refreshing. Can be made ahead of time.

• 2 Fennel bulbs
• juice and zest from two small or 1 large lemon
• 2-3 tablespoons olive oil or to taste
• salt and pepper to taste

Variations: add sliced fresh radishes or green onions

Thinly slice fennel bulb and mix together with the remaining ingredients. Refrigerate for a few hours or overnight before serving. Adjust seasonings to taste.

Dear mom,

People are asking how my transition from Berkeley to Birmingham feels and I’m like what. What’s a transition? I sweat double here than I did in Berkeley. That’s the only change I notice. Deep inside though, I know I left Berkeley with heaps of growth and new knowledge.

Earlier last semester, I got roped in to speaking to a class of undergrads studying journalism + Judaism. Don’t ask. They wanted me to speak about new media stuff. Because I know things?

I sat in front of the class and felt 17 again. I told them what I was working on and admitted I don’t feel like a real reporter. Then they asked questions and I was surprised I had real answers.

Towards the end of the talk, one of the girls in the room raised her hand. She said, “Like, how did you get the courage to start to get your voice out there?”

I foreal laughed out loud. Then I was kind of stumped. I have a voice?

I thought about my literal voice. About the first semester of school when my instructor made me repeat sentences over and over and over again until I ended on a hard stop instead of a question. I learned how to mask uncertainty from “I have a story idea?”

I thought about the voice coach who came to radio class and made me YELL my script in front of class. “Get angry!” She said. All I could do was giggle.

Sasha’s turn to be humiliated

Sometimes I listen back to my voice on recorded interviews and bang my head against my desk. I sound like a drunk 5 year old. I hate myself, I hate myself, I hate myself.

Other times, though, I recognize my voice –with its giggles, uptalk and meek rambles– as valuable. It’s taken me to some cool places. Though that recognition is fleeting, it’s a remarkable change from two years ago.

I’m not sure I have a firm answer for the girl who asked me how I found the courage to put my voice out there. I’m still kind of laughing about the whole thing. But what I said to her was this: find people who believe in themselves and surround yourself with them. Allow them to lift you.

I spent the past two years surrounded by brilliance and fearlessness that motivated me to be those things too. Why did I really spend so many hours in the B1 cave? Because working next to people venturing into the frontiers of virtual reality and building apps and creating a freaking media empire, etc, etc, etc filled me with courage.

As my transition from that wonderful bubble into the real world hits, I’m counting those first moments I saw the value of my voice to fortify me.

xo,

Shaina

I made a lot of angst recipes during the last few weeks of school. At the end of the day all I usually wanted was to crush nuts in the vitamix. Pulverizing is empowering.

Plant based snickers bars:

Bottom Layer

• 2 cup cashews
• 1 cup dried figs, chopped
• tsp sea salt
• tsp cinnamon
• 2 tbs coconut flour
• vanilla bean paste

Middle Layer

• 1 cup peanut butter
• 5 -7 dates
• 1 tsp sea salt
• handful rosted peanuts, chopped

Top layer

• 1 cup almond butter
• 8 dates, soaked over night
• 1 tsp sea salt

Chocolate layer

• ¾ cup coconut oil
• ¾ cup good cocoa powder
• ½ cup honey

1. Add ingredients in layer 1 to food processor and pulse until dough forms
2. Transfer dough to a small loaf pan lined with parchment paper press into a square about 1/4 inch thick. Put into freezer.
3. Repeat above steps with ingredients for layer two. Reserve peanuts and mix into dough after combined.
4. Spread layer two on top of layer one. Place into freezer.
5. Melt ingredients for chocolate layer above low heat and spread on top of layers 1 and 2. Put into freezer until all layers are hardened.
6. Remove from freezer.  Cut into squares. Store in the freezer or fridge to keep fresh until serving.

Paleo birthday cake to celebrate Mozzified turning 1!

Cake*

• 4 eggs
• 4 tbsp raw honey
• 5 tbsp coconut flour
• 1/2 tsp baking powder
• vanilla bean
• some sea salt

*double this recipe for 2 layers

Mango Filling

• 1 3/4 cups raw cashews, soaked for at least 4 hour and drained well
• handful ( 5- 7) dates
• 1 cup dried mango
• ½ tsp lemon juice
• vanilla bean
• some sea salt

Frosting

• 1 cup coconut butter
• 1/2 cup coconut oil
• splash of beet juice
• splash of carrot juice
• splash of lemon juice
• 1/2 cup honey
• vanilla bean

Preheat oven to 350. Using double the cake recipes, pulse dry ingredients in a food processor and then pulse in wet ingredients.  Grease two 6 in pans with coconut oil and pour batter into pans. Bake for 25 minutes.

Meanwhile puree all filling ingredients in food processor until smooth and creamy. Add warm water as needed. Place in bowl and set aside.

Put frosting ingredients into small pot and warm over low heat while stirring.

Remove cake from over and allow to cool. Cover bottom later with filling. Add top layer and cover with frosting.