Dear mom,

In just one day I said a sweaty goodbye to Bombay, cooled down with a walk by the sea in Istanbul, and cozied up to a cup of coffee in Copenhagen. Today I am in Hamburg with sore arms and bags chubbed out with jars of pickled mango and Indian snacks. Tomorrow I will be in Berlin. I am delirious and what is time? How does it happen and where does it go and why is it cold outside?

I need new shoes.

Time. I don’t know what to say about it except that I’ve spent so much of it in kitchens – rooms that harbor much more than space to cook. I am grateful to all of the women in India who invited me in… The space below my recipes is dedicated to some of their kitchens.

And to initiate my transition out of India I’ll share the recipes that have sustained me for the past four months: vegetables and chai.

First is a base recipe for Indian vegetable dishes. Each vegetable I ate in India was unique to its region and its cook, but was similar to others in its underlying flavors.

Almost all of your vegetable dishes start with a base of garlic, salt, pepper and onions. In India, most vegetable dishes begin with a fragrant combination of mustard seeds, coriander, turmeric, chili, and cumin. Other common flavors in Indian vegetable dishes are curry leaves, ginger, onion seeds, anise, fenugreek, fennel and cardamom. Similar to your salad creations, once you’ve got the basics down, the variations on the Indian vegetable experience are endless.

Second is hot chai chai chai chai CHAIIII – I can hear the chai walas belting out their song. I’m addicted… Just like all the other Indian professionals I know, I can’t function without it. Chai is simple – black tea, milk and sugar often spiced with ginger and cardamom. Sipping piping hot milky tea on a piping hot humid day doesn’t sound as fun as it is. I promise it’s necessary.

See you so soon I can’t believe it.

Love,
Shaina

Ps. I must reiterate that the the two basic vegetable recipes below are just starters –  you can use any vegetable combo you choose and add or subtract spices for variation.

Bhindi Masala
serves 4-7 people as a side dish

I’m coming home and I’m thinking about okra. I’m imagining the markets in Birmingham chock full of fresh okra waiting to be chopped up, deep fried and served next to mac n’ cheese and greasy cole slaw. Hopefully the recipe below can help mix things up – the Indian version of fried okra is much tastier, in my opinion.

• 2 tbs vegetable oil
• 5 cups raw okra, cut into thin discs
• 1 onion, chopped
• 1 cup potatoes diced into 1 inch slices
• 1 small tomato, chopped
• 3 cloves garlic, chopped
• 1 tsp grated fresh ginger
• 1 tsp turmeric powder
• 1/2 tsp whole cumin seeds
• 5-8 curry leaves (optional)
• 1/2 tsp coriander seed
• 1/2 tsp red chili powder (to taste)
• 1 tsp salt (to taste)
• fresh cilantro for garnish (optional)
• fresh coconut, shredded for garnish (optional)

Heat oil and cut okra in small pieces. Fry okra on medium heat for 15 minutes until okra pieces lose their mosture.  Remove okra from pan and keep aside.

Add onions, tomatoes and potatoes to the leftover oil along with ginger, garlic and remaining spices. Cover and cook on medium heat until potato is soft, stirring every 2 minutes. Then, add okra pieces to spice combination and stir. Cook over low heat for three minutes. Eat plain, with yogurt, over rice or flatbread.

Mixed Vegetable Masala
serves 4-7 people as a side dish

• 3 tbs vegetable oil
• 1 onion, chopped
• 1 medium tomato, chopped
• 3 cloves garlic, chopped
• 1 tsp turmeric powder
• 1/2 tsp red chili powder (to taste)
• 1/2 tsp whole cumin seeds
• 4 whole cardamom pods
• 5 cloves
• 1 cinamon stick
• 1 head cauliflower, chopped
• 1 cup fresh or frozen peas
• 1 medium eggplant, chopped
• 1/3 cup raisins
• 1/2 cup water
• 1 tsp salt (to taste)

Saute tomatoes, onions and spices in oil over medium heat in a deep pan until onions are translucent. Then, add chopped vegetables, raisins, water and whole spices. Cover pan and simmer for around 15 minutes until vegetables are soft.  Garnish with cilantro and eat over rice.

You can modify this recipe to include vegetables of your choice.

Chai

Makes 7 – 9 small cups

• 2 1/2 cups water
• 4 tbs of black tea
• 5 whole cardamom pods
• 5 whole cloves
• 1/2 star anise
• 1 inch fresh ginger
• pinch of black pepper
• 2 1/2 cups milk (or soy) – it’s best with whole milk
• 2 tablespoons honey, sugar or agave syrup to taste

Ajrakpur, Kutch, Gujarat

Tumling, West Bengal

Ajrakpur, Kutch, Gujarat

Salt Lake, Calcutta, West Bengal

Andheri East, Mumbai, Maharashtra

Bhuj, Kutch, Gujarat

Andheri East, Mumbai, Maharashtra

Ajrakpur, Kutch, Gujarat

Nootan Society, Bhuj, Gujarat

Kutch, Gujarat

Tumling, West Bengal

Kutch, Gujarat

Singalila National Park, West Bengal

Dear Shaina,

I am so sorry that I haven’t written in a while.  With two back-to-back out-of town weekend weddings and a camping trip to a music festival over Memorial Day weekend, and lots of mahjong (your Dad has become a mahjong fiend) in between, my head has just not been into the computer or the kitchen.  But it has been fun! 

I reread your last letter and love your take on collecting (hoarding).  I am working on acceptance while also trying to purge my life of the burden of too much stuff.  Dad and I had a few extra days at the beach where I am always reminded of how little stuff I actually need…and how good that feels.

We spent time with friends at the wedding and celebrated Mother’s Day and our 29^th anniversary at a fabulous restaurant at the beach. It’s hard to believe that we have been married for 29 years! The number of years doesn’t do any justice to the reality of time flying by.  I want to put the brakes on, slow it down a bit…make it last a little longer…but life just keeps on zipping by.

When you get to our age (not old, just beyond middle age) you really get it…the time issue…how brief even a long life is.  It propels you to enjoy it all, do it now and not sweat the small stuff.  Dad and I are embracing this understanding.

Camping out at a Music Fest…A first for us!

I just bought a new car…a Prius! The color is Sea Glass Pearl and it reminds me of the ocean at the beach…and you know how much I love the beach! I also met with two architects to talk about redoing our master bathroom.  If not now, when?  Besides, it will force me to empty out our bedroom and only keep the things we really need. That’s one way to deal with my stuff issues.

The wedding in South Carolina went off without a hitch.  Everyone pitched in to help with food and decor.  It was at a beautiful farm overlooking a lake.  Although there was a threat of rain, the sun came out in the end and provided a beautiful backdrop for the event. Julie and Megan were neck in neck when it came to catching the bouquet, validating that the hope and desire for lasting love endures beyond all obstacles, barriers or circumstances.  Megan won out on this one!

Summer has arrived in Birmingham, although it hasn’t gotten brutal yet. I have been enjoying some old …and new…summer salad recipes. I am sending a potato salad recipe that a friend made for the wedding shower.  It was delicious and a little lighter than my usual mayonnaise based one.  I am also including my new salad favorites…an edamame and corn salad (from the same friend) and a fennel salad. Both are easy to make, healthy and delicious.

I am counting the days until we see you in NYC.  I have to admit that I am feeling a little anxious about this last leg of your travel.  I will just be glad to see you and be with you for more than a brief email or intermittent Skype call. I try not to worry…but I am, after all, your mother.

I am even looking forward to the unpacking, washing and repacking process that is sure to unfold a multitude of tales.

Love,

Mom

xoxooxoxooxoxxoo

French Potato Salad

I used purple and golden potatoes.

• 2 1/2 pounds fingerling or small red potatoes (or any good potato)
• coarse salt and pepper
• 1/4 c olive oil
• 3 T Dijon mustard
• 2 T sherry vinegar
• 1 small shallot minced (2 Tblsp)
• 1 tsp chopped fresh thyme
• 4 Tblsp chopped fresh parsley
• 1/4 small red onion sliced

I added some chopped fresh basil and green onions from the garden.

Boil washed whole potatoes in water with a little salt until just done.  Rinse and cool cooked potatoes. I rinse them with cold water and cover them with ice so they don’t continue cooking and get mushy.

Cut potatoes in small bite-sized pieces and put in a large mixing bowl.

Blend together oil, mustard, vinegar, chopped shallots and thyme for the dressing.

Pour over the potatoes. Add chopped parsley, sliced red onions and salt and pepper . Mix together thoroughly.

To vary, add other fresh herbs and green onions.  I like basil or tarragon for a little different flavor.

Edamame Salad 

• 16 oz bag of frozen shelled edamame (cook according to directions on bag)
• 16 oz bag of frozen sweet corn
• 4-6 radishes (thinly sliced)
• 1/4 c cilantro cut up (or more if you like a lot of cilantro)
• 1/4 c scallions cut up
• 1/2 c rice wine vinegar
• 1 Tblsp veg oil (I used olive oil)
• 1 Tblsp wasabi powder
• 1 tsp garlic (I used fresh)
• Salt to taste

Cook edamame according to the directions on the bag. Rinse and cool.

Place cooked edamame in a bowl with corn and mix together.

Add sliced radishes and cut up cilantro and scallions to corn edamame mixture.

Blend oil and vinegar and seasonings together and pour over combined veggies and mix thoroughly.

Adjust seasonings to taste.

This dish can be eaten immediately or made the day before for an even better flavor.  

Israeli Fennel Salad

As simple as this recipe is, it is amazingly tasty and refreshing!

•  2 Fennel Bulbs thinly sliced (the thinner the better)
• 2 fresh lemons juiced (you can add a little lemon zest if you like)
• 1 – 2 tablespoons of olive oil
• 4 tablespoons of chopped fresh parsley (I like Italian flat leafed parsley)
• Salt and freshly cracked pepper to taste

Wash the fennel and remove all stalks. Use fennel bulb only and slice crosswise thinly.

Pour juice from 2 fresh lemons over the sliced fennel. If you like, add a little lemon zest from one of the lemons.

Add the olive oil.

Chop the parsley and mix into the salad.

Add salt and pepper to taste and it’s ready to eat!

Dear Shaina,

I just reread your letter and am again reminded of why I am so intimidated.  Your pictures are transporting, your recipes mouthwatering and I have to restrain myself from kissing the computer screen when you treat me to a rare photo of your oh-so-happy-in-this-precise-moment face.  I know you torture yourself with life’s unending questions…while you are fully engaging with every bit of life around you…but I am so proud and happy that you pursued this crazy dream. Even if it changes you…and takes you to places out of my daily reach.

In the meantime, here I am in Birmingham, struggling with my own particular brand of self-torture. In the past 4 months, I have gotten down and dirty in the process of packing and unpacking other people’s lives (yours included) as they let go of the old to forge new lifestyles and pursue yet unfulfilled dreams.

Unpacking at Abe and Gail’s

It’s easy for me to help other people clear their closets of outdated ill-fitting clothing and give away the precious junk they thought they couldn’t live without. I support, encourage and reassure anyone with the guts to try on a new life. And I get paralyzed just thinking about throwing out clothes I haven’t worn in ten years!

Immersing myself in the messiness of other peoples’ moves has made me take a hard look at all the mess and stuff in my life…how burdened I feel by it all…and how difficult it is for me to let go.

I’m Getting Good at This!

Your bedroom has been sitting in limbo for two years…part shrine, part overflow storage, part crash pad.  The bedroom of your childhood is obsolete. I have been talking about a master bath retreat for years. There aren’t many years left. It is time for me to just do it. I want to behave as if we are moving…culling, throwing, giving away…leaving only the essentials. I have been practicing on everyone else and now I am ready to let go! Maybe…

Cooking offers a convenient distraction.

A whole lotta cooking!

Wedding showers, shabbat luncheons at temple…friends for dinner Saturday night and more family and friends for brunch Sunday morning…then an afternoon spent trying to replicate the Bubbe Blintz. I needed to use that Farmers Cheese that has been in my freezer for…I can’t even tell you how long. The pull of the kitchen is obviously stronger than a pared down closet. At least I am cleaning out my freezer!

We leave for a week at the beach this Wednesday and come back only to turn around and go to South Carolina for Karen’s wedding the next weekend.  Then it’s Memorial Day and Dad and I are going to an Acoustic Cafe Music Festival in some small town in Alabama.  We’ll be camping out and practicing yoga and sitting on our old-people’s-outdoor-concert-folding-chairs-in-the-bags. Our trip to NYC to meet you is right on the heels of that corner. There is no end to the diversions and attractions that keep me away from those closets!

Maybe next month…when I run out of things to do that I really want to do.

Love,

Mom

Xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

P.S. Can’t wait to see you in NYC…even if it is only for a few days. I promise…I’m working on letting you go!

Bubbe’s Blintzes*

I did it!

Bubbe’s Blintzes were a family delicacy.  Her freezer was not complete without a reserve stash of blintzes waiting for a surprise visit from the out-of-town relatives or a local grandchild dropping in for lunch or a snack. Eating only one was practically an insult. She would defrost 6 and make you eat at least 5 before you even had a chance to protest. Bubbe could whip up 100 blintzes in an afternoon, seemingly effortlessly.

These are not the typical sweet blintz that you might find at a deli or in the freezer section at the grocery store. They aren’t savory either. They are just the perfect combination of a buttery crepe wrapped around a smooth creamy cheese filling with the faintest hint of vanilla. Bubbe served them with sour cream, strawberry jam or apple sauce.  I love them plain with nothing extra!

*(Special thanks to Ruth who watched Bubbe make hundreds of Blintzes in her kitchen in NJ. Ruth learned the art from Bubbe and passed it on to me.)

Cheese Blintzes

Bring all ingredients to room temperature.  This recipe makes 3 to 4 dozen depending on how much cheese you use and how thick your blintz skins are.

Blintz Crepe Batter

• 3 Cups flour
• 6 – 7 Cups skim milk
• 7 Eggs
• Pinch salt

Mix ingredients in a blender or in a large deep bowl using an immersion stick blender until there are no visible lumps.  Let batter rest for about 30 minutes.

Use a non-stick or stainless steel crepe pan or small frying pan. Heat pan over medium heat before smearing butter lightly on pan.  I use wax paper to hold the butter and lightly spread it on the pan.

Pour about ¼ to ⅓ cup of batter into the pan and swirl it around the bottom of the heated pan to cover the pan with a thin layer of batter.  It may take a few times to get the pan to the right temperature and the right amount of batter to cover the bottom of the pan with a thin coating of batter.

Cook on one side only until you can see little holes popping through and the edges come away from the sides of the pan.

Flip the crepe out of the pan onto parchment paper or brown paper sacks uncooked side face-down.

Repeat process until all the batter is gone. Don’t be discouraged if you mess up the first few crepes.  They are delicious plain, so enjoy your mistakes.

Blintz Filling

• 3 pounds Farmer Cheese* (it looks like very small curd dried cottage cheese) *It can be stored in the freezer for a very long time if it is vacuum packed…and it is as good as new when defrosted!
• 3 Eggs
• 2 Tablespoons melted butter
• 1 Tablespoon Vanilla Extract

Mix all ingredients together by hand or with a stick blender or electric beater.Once the crepe is cooled.

Place a couple tablespoons of the cheese mixture at the bottom of the circle of dough on the cooked side of the dough.

Roll the dough over the cheese to form a tube about the size of a roll of quarters.  Roll the dough over once and fold the sides in.

Then continue to roll the dough until the blintz is formed. The uncooked side of the dough should form the outside of the blintz. Place the completed blintz with the seam down on a fresh piece of wax paper on a metal baking sheet.  You can use more or less cheese filling based on your preference, but don’t overfill.

At this stage, the Blintzes are ready to be sautéed in a small amount of butter until both sides of the Blintz are lightly browned.

Blintzes may also be flash frozen prior to sautéing and placed in freezer bags to be prepared and served at another time.

They’ll be waiting in the freezer for you…whenever you get here! xo Mom

Dear mom,

My weirdo recipes and extreme menus shouldn’t intimidate. I’m just playing with what I’ve got here, so of course things are… different. Even though I’m eating more plain curd and potato chips than ever, I’m determined to taste all the colors of India. I’m inspired with every bite regardless of how bacteria-laden. The more dirt I consume, the stronger my gut. You said it first.

I just left rural Assam, where I coordinated product development with a women’s cooperative of weavers (10 km from Bhutan!). I was shocked by how different the Bodo Tribe’s flavors and traditions are from those of the India I’m familiar with.

The women wear wrapped pieces of woven cotton rather than draped, flowing saris. Instead of wheat, they eat rice. And pork, chicken, fish… beetles, ants and crickets. Each home hosts its own brew of rice wine flavored with herbs like tulsi.  The region even has a version of idli called tekeli pitha… instead of stone-grinding rice and dal into a liquid before it’s steamed, they pulverize it by hand so it’s course. They layer it in cylindrical molds – rice flour, black sesame paste with salt and sugar, another layer of rice flour, one more black sesame and another rice. The molds are steamed over water jugs in a fire pit, and served hot with boiled egg.

One evening, I visited a weaver’s home and tasted river snails that she had roasted and served with fried balls of pulverized sticky rice and warm milk.

But the day that I read your last letter I went to a celebratory dinner at the fanciest joint in the area, and guess what I ordered. A cheese omelet and roti. No masala, no pickle, no spicy. No snails. Just an egg with processed cheese and whole wheat flatbread. I know you understand because I watched you oil dough, salt potatoes and brown onions for months and months to recreate the Bubbe knish.

Comfort. It comes in food, bed sheets and air conditioning. I push it away hard and I seek it with hunger. I detest it and enjoy it so much. After 25 years, I’m a pro at leaving it behind and reeling it back in where and when I need it. I left a sufficient income, satisfying work and great house for nomadism. Comfort feels better to me when it’s distant. Clean underwear… soggy cornflakes… a letter from you — it all feels so good right now.

But that extra feeling of pleasure can’t be the only reason I veer from comfort. There has to be a more logical explanation. I roam around like a bag lady with my snacks, water bottle and camera and I don’t know why. Today is my last day of 24. Tomorrow, I will leave behind the early twenties and cross over to the mids. Most women my age are mothers and wives (really, check the stats). I have no shelves for my clothes. My life is in bags strewn across the world.

With 25 years, I expect to have a better idea of what and why I’m seeking. What do I want to be? Where do I want to be? I declared my love for city-life while racing through the markets of Bombay amongst millions. In Kutch, I was relieved with small-town familiarity. In Calcutta, I vowed my happiness to the stimulation of urban whir. And when I was with a tribal village in the forest, I figured that rural-wherever is the place for me. Will I ever know?

Bengali food guruji

I’m learning with every push and pull… Which makes it all okay?

I went way out of my comfort zone in my last cooking venture with a friend’s mom in Calcutta: Mustard Fish and Coconut Prawn Curry (the prawns still had their heads attached!). I had to do it… Mustard fish is the most prominent dish in Bengali cuisine. And I’m working hard to strengthen my gut. Always pushing, always pulling.

I’m not making any promises, but when I come home I might be in shape to stomach your gefilte…

love ya, see ya later,
Shaina

Ps. A trick that I learned about deodorizing fishy smell is to rub the fish in turmeric before it’s cooked…  I’d suggest you try it next Passover, but the thought of yellow gefilte chunks makes me naush.

Bengali Mustard Fish (or tofu):

• 500 grams (1/2 lb or 4 fillets) of firm variety of fish (or tofu)
• 3 tsp turmeric
• 2 tbs mustard oil
• 1 tsp onion seeds (nigella seeds)
• 1 onion chopped
• 1 green chili, sliced
• mustard paste (see recipe below)
• salt to taste
• squeeze of lemon juice
• cilantro to garnish

This simple, flavorful dish is a Bengali classic, typically eaten over steamed rice and soupy dal (lentil soup).

Rub raw fish pieces in turmeric to odorize fishiness and set aside. Over low heat, saute onion, chili and onion seeds in mustard oil. Stir in mustard paste and salt. Add fish and to mixture and fry over low heat. Garnish with cilantro and enjoy over rice.

You can prepare the same dish with tofu instead of fish.

raw fish in turmeric

Steamed Mustard Fish (or tofu):

• Mustard Paste (see recipe below)
• Mustard Oil
• Salt
• Fish

Another version of mustard fish, this dish is just as common as pan fried fish. It’s typically wrapped in a banana leaf and steamed, but can be steamed in any vessel. So much flavor!

Mix mustard paste, oil and salt. Cover fish or tofu with a thick layer of mustard paste mixture and steam for 10 – 15 minutes. Enjoy over rice.

Mustard Paste:

• raw black mustard seeds
• salt
• water

Soak mustard seeds in water overnight. Grind on high speed in a food processor with salt and water. Then strain with a fine grate strainer. The remaining liquid is your mustard paste.

Coconut Prawn Curry:

• 2 tsp turmeric
• 500 gram (or 1/2 lb) prawns
• 1 tbs vegetable oil
• 1/2 tsp red chili powder (to taste)
• 4 cloves garlic, chopped
• 2 onion, chopped2 tomatoes, chopped
• 1/2 c coconut milk
• 1 tsp salt
• 1 tsp sugar
• 3 -4 cardamom pods, whole
• 1 2-3” cinnamon stick, whole
• 3 or 4 fresh curry leaves
• 1 or 2 bay leaves, whole
• 3 or 4 cloves, whole
• 1 tsp cumin, whole

Cover prawns in turmeric and set aside. Do not de-shell until ready to eat.

Over low heat, saute red chili powder, garlic, tomato and onion in oil. When onion is translucent, add coconut milk, whole spices, sugar and salt.  Simmer for 5 minutes or until spices are fragrant. Add prawns to gravy and cover with lid for 5 – 10 minutes or until cooked. Serve over rice. For more gravy, decrease ratio of prawns to coconut milk/spices.

See where I’ve been:

Being back in Kutch confirmed that the place exists outside of my dreams and memories. The Qasab ladies are still stitching, my vegetable wala is still singing, and the ice cream guy developed a new flavor – choco chips brownie!  Life goes on.

So much joy at my fav restaurant, Kuvio’s Jain thali. Same waiter served us… still laughing at the quantity of my biscuit consumption. The bajra (millet bread) was as hardy as I remember.

Last time I was in Kutch, I attended a neighbor’s marriage celebration. This time, she was a pregnant. And a few days before I left, I held her baby. I attended the baby-naming ritual with the whole hood and ate sweets in her honor. So special to see things come full circle.

In the old market of Hyderabad, boys sell scraps from the Cadbury factory. Obsessed…. hold me back from diving in.

Arrived in Calcutta on Holi, India’s festival of colors and Spring. I played Holi with friends in a park with sprinklers and loud music. T’was crazy.

In love with Calcutta. The buildings are colorful and bright… like a beach town despite its population of billions. There’s an amazing art scene – contemporary galleries and art around every corner!

But mostly what I love about Calcutta is the curd (plain yogurt) served in individual clay pots as a street snack or take-away. So fresh! The clay pots soak up the extra whey, which makes the yogurt thick and special. Everything is served in these little clay pots, even chai. When people are done with them, they toss them on the ground. They shatter and get swept up at the end of the day. It’s so fun!

Also the bhel in Calcutta… so different from anywhere else: puffed rice with sprouted lentils, flattened gram flakes, tomato, cucumber, onion, mustard oil and coriander. Mustard oil is on everything!

I went on a tour of Calcutta Jewery with Aliza, the friend I was staying with, and her family who was visiting from the US. We went to the Jewish cemetery and two HUGE, beautiful and sadly abandoned synagogues.

To get permission to see Jewish sites, visitors must go to a Jewish bakery, Nahoum’s, in Calcutta’s oldest market, to get a signed note from its owner. There’s nothing Jewish about the baked goods, but there’s a hamsah over the cash register.

The natural beauty of New Boingaigon is out of this world. And the traditional cloth that the women weave and wear is beautiful.

Weaving requires serious math skills. The women count out loud as they prepare special warps for clients in the US, Europe and India.

After spending so much time with artisans, you’d think I’d have a handle on craft production… but working on this end is totally new for me. And such an important piece of the puzzle for me to understand. Thank you, Rubina and The ANT, for this incredible opportunity!

Dear Shaina,

You’re grossed out by my fish!! I haven’t slept for a week worrying about that bacteria laden cucumber you ate off the streets of India!  At least my fish…every last slimy sticky glob of it…was washed repeatedly in Birmingham’s finest chlorinated water before being sterilized for over an hour in a continuously boiling salted broth.  My Gefilte Fish would pass surgical hygienic standards.

My only comfort is knowing that they have now discovered that we have as many types of bacteria living in our gut as we have cells in our body…and that many of them are beneficial to our health.  In fact, the greater the diversity of bacteria, the more likely the good bacteria will beat out the bad bacteria…or something like that. We know you have lots of bacteria and they are certainly diverse…let’s just hope the good kind wins!  I also understand that saliva contains antibacterial qualities, so be sure to immerse that street food in a lot of spit before swallowing.

Shaina, it is hard to believe that you will be 25 years old next week. Where has 25 years gone? Bubbe and Zayde’s words are ringing in my ears, “Ahh, the life…it goes so fast!”

Your birthday is a day of celebration for me too.  It is the day I became a mother.  I had no clue what that meant or how it would “look” on me. I thought I knew exactly what you would be like.  I realized very quickly that I had to get to know who you were, separate and distinct from me.  In your own quiet way you showed me and I slowly learned how to be your mother and …to find myself in that role, as well.  You have been teaching me ever since.

My Cooking Shoes

Here I am, again, readjusting my step and finding my balance as I wander into my new status as the mother of a budding-independent-young-adult child. I watch you negotiating and maneuvering the foundations of your adult life…so far away…so different from my own world…so filled with richness and promise….and I am proud and a little anxious…and filled with love and awe!

I am honored and more than grateful to be your mother and I will celebrate the day of your birth with gratitude… and prayers for many more birthday celebrations.

In the meantime, I am feeling pressured by all this intense recipe sharing.  I know that kids are supposed to grow up and surpass their parents..and I am truly grateful that you are well on your way to doing that.  I am just so intimidated by your menus and the disparate flavors and food you so ingeniously put together. I remember Bubbe’s longstanding repertoire of foods.  She had her specialties…briskets and blintzes, strudels and knishes…and we loved them and asked her to make them on every occasion…again and again.

I tried on her recipes and made them mine. I filled in with my own culinary experiments and derivations and she eagerly tasted and complimented and kvelled (bragged to anyone who would listen) about my prowess. There was room enough for both of us in the kitchen.

I find myself retreating to my own specialties and comfort foods, content (while kvelling) to leave you to venture into unfamiliar species of grains and chias and edible grasses.  There will always be room enough for both of us in the kitchen.

The recipe (I am embarrassed to even call it a recipe) I am sharing today is one that you survived on as a child and your friends requested when they slept over. Dad and I often enjoy it on leisurely Sunday mornings or as a middle-of-the-week dinner.  The Cheese Omelet holds a lifetime of memories and thrives in every life stage and transition. It can probably even be replicated in India.

Shaina, your Dad and I wish you a very happy and healthy and safe birthday…and many, many more! We love you all the way to the outer edges of our hearts!

Love,

Mom

xoxoxoxoxooxoxo

Dad showing off his matching (?) socks

Still Playing Together

Standard Cheese Omelet

(for 2 or 3 people)

• 3 whole eggs
• 2 egg whites
• 2 Tablespoons half and half or milk
• ~ 2” square of Vermont aged cheddar (grated or in small chunks or slices)
• 1 tsp butter
• Sea Salt and freshly cracked pepper to taste
• A non-stick 12” frying or sauté pan with lid

Beat eggs and egg whites with milk with a fork or whisk.

Heat a large 12” non-stick frying or sauté pan over a medium flame and add butter.

Pour beaten eggs into heated frying pan with melted butter and swirl the pan so eggs cover the entire bottom of the pan. The key to a good omelet is having a thin enough egg base to cook quickly through without burning the bottom of the omelet.

When the eggs are cooked enough to hold their shape, but not all the way through, distribute the cheese evenly over the omelet. Use more or less cheese to suit your taste and preference.  Reserve some cheese for the top of the omelet.

Lower the heat and cover the omelet with the lid for about 30 seconds to melt the cheese a bit. After the cheese has melted a little, fold the omelet in half  and sprinkle remaining cheese over the top. Reduce the flame to simmer and put the lid on the pan for about a minute to allow the omelet to cook all the way through.

Cut and serve with fresh tomatoes, sweet potato hash browns or a fresh green salad…and your favorite bread.

Variations:

Different spices, cheeses or veggies can create a whole new dish. Mix herbs into beaten eggs. Sauté veggies in pan and pour eggs over them. Always add cheese last.

My favorites:
Tarragon and Jarlsburg cheese
Basil, sundried tomatoes and feta cheese
Sauteed onions and mushrooms with cheddar or gruyere

Sweet Potato Hash Browns

• 3 sweet potatoes already baked ( I always bake extras and use the leftovers for hash browns)
• 1 small onion, chopped
• 1 clove garlic minced
• 1 Tablespoon butter or olive oil
• Salt and pepper to taste

Heat frying pan over medium heat and add butter or oil.

Sauté chopped onions in butter and oil until translucent and add minced garlic.

Cut up sweet potatoes with skins on into small chunks (~1”) and add to the frying pan with the onions and garlic.

Cook over medium heat until potatoes and onions are browned to desired crispness.

Serve as a side with the omelet.

Roasted Beets
(Just because I like them and I eat them with everything)

• Fresh beets (as many as you want)
• Olive Oil
• Sea salt and freshly cracked pepper to taste

Heat oven to 375°

Trim leaves and roots from beets.  Leave skin on and wash thoroughly, removing any rough areas.

Cut beets in small wedges or chunks.

Place cut up beets in a bowl and sprinkle lightly with olive oil ( 1TBLSP is enough for 3 cut-up beets) and toss beets in oil.

Place beets on large enough baking sheet, covered in parchment paper, to hold all cut-up beets in a single layer.

Lightly salt and pepper to taste.Place in preheated oven and bake for 30 to 45 minutes or until done to desired crispness.

Serve as a side or garnish to any meal.  Adds great color and flavor to green salads.

Dear mom,

I’m trying to decide which was worse, the close-up of your urine colored chicken soup fat or that shiny pre-gefilte staring right at me. I was so excited to see that you posted, and opening your letter to a glassy fish eye was just a little… startling. The memory of coming home last year to fish-perfumed everything crept through my hippocampus into my nose. And by nose I mean my heart. My passover memories are now coated with fish gut.

Thank god for whiffs of eggy almond and burnt sugar creeping into my bedroom on late nights leading up to Seder… quiet wake up calls of matzoh fried-ness from morning-after breakfasts… chocolatey espresso fish-cover-up…

It’s funny that I’m still grossed out by your gefilte process. I’m in India.

beauties at the beauty saloon

A few days ago, Hannah and I stopped for a street snack during our walk back to her apartment from a  visit to the “beauty saloon.” I bought a sliced cucumber. The man who handed it to me took a pre-peeled cucumber from a pyramid stack of many on his large wooden cart, rinsed it in a bucket (presumably of water), sprinkled it with salt and masala and handed it to me in newspaper wrapping. He looked at the 10 rupee note I waved at him, submersed his arm right back into the rinsing bucket, and handed me 4 coins he had fished from its bottom.

I had a soggy-newspaper-cucumber in one hand and wet change in the other. I looked at Hannah, “Did that just happen?”

Hannah and I had a good laugh as I crunched on my snack without hesitation. Why this cuke-wala felt inclined to store his money at the bottom of a bucket of water, I’ll never know.

Money is so dirty. I’m laughing at him. Why.

Everyday I see people do things that don’t make any sense to me. Sometimes I ask questions: Sir, why are you throwing a whole package of crushed biscuits out of your window every morning?
“It’s part of my Puja (religious ritual) to feed animals. Small dogs enjoy Parle-G brand.”

Oh.

Pre-Pesach binge on Romali Roti… the Jumbo Slice of Hyderabad!

Other times I just laugh, laugh, laugh.

I’m so grateful to have a friend here that I was able to celebrate Passover with… A friend I can laugh with and eat with sans judgment. Hannah and I made a beautiful Seder together in Hyderabad.

We made memories that smell like cardamom and fresh coconut and cucumber water.

Jump To Recipe

I’m also grateful that you didn’t post pics of gefilte gravy. Gelatinous fish slime… Bubbe smothering her kugel in it… photos would have crossed the line.

I’m gagging.

Xo I promise I’m taking care of myself,

Shaina

Now I’ll tell you about our beautiful Seders. The first night,  a current AJWS fellow hosted an intimate Seder. She made an inspirational tzimmes with sweet potatoes, carrots and prunes and charozet that tasted so much like home it hurt. We laughed at Judaism as we tried to explain our rituals to her friends, recalled childhood memories, and bonded over cultural weirdnesses distinct to all families.

Hannah and I hosted the second Seder (17 people – 5 Jews). We cooked all day and made several trips to Hannah’s veg wala and her special hypermart! We made Hillel sandwiches for everyone with khakra (a crispy Gujarati cracker), pomegranate charozet and cilantro.

We read from a laptop Hagaddah  and talked about “freedom” and ethics and living in India. Most importantly, our menu was inspired by Pesach classics and fixed with India inspiration:

Sweet Pomegranate Chutney aka Charozet
Vegetable Tzimmes with Pan Fried Paneer
Curry Egg Salad
Paradise Creamed Spinach
The Golden Purp (sans tofu and with cumin instead of caraway)
Pink Raita (yogurt dip with beets, carrot, onion, fresh fenugreek)
Curdy Babaganoush (charred eggplant stew with onions, garlic, tomatoes and curd)
Sweet Potato Halwa
Cinnamon bananas boiled in coconut milk and sugar
Fruits and salads and rotis contributed by our generous guests

It was all tasty, but the Veg Tzimmes was the star. I’ve shared some recipes below:

Vegetable Tzimmes with Pan Fried Paneer:

• 2 tbs vegetable oil
• 1/2 tsp mustard seeds
• 2 tsp whole cumin seed
• 
1 tsp whole coriander seed
• 1 tsp cinnamon
• 6 cardamom pods, peels and pulverized or 1/2 tsp ground cardamom
• 4 onions, chopped into 1/2 in chunks
• 1 1/2 teaspoons turmeric
 powder
• 1 tbs freshly grated ginger
• 
6 medium cloves garlic, peeled and finely chopped
• 1/2 lb finger zucchini, chopped into 1/2 inch chunks (these small snappy zucchini are only available at Indian specialty stores. Feel free to substitute regular zucchini or other veg of your choice.)
• 8 whole cloves
• 1 lb potatoes, chopped into 1/2 in chunks
• 4 medium carrots, chopped into medallions
• 3/4 cup raw peanuts
• 2 medium heads of cauliflower, chopped
• 1 cup of water
• 3 tsp salt (to taste)
• 1/3 c pitted dates, finely chopped
• 6 medium dried apricots, finely chopped
• 
500 g Paneer  (Substitute tofu for vegan option)
• 1/2 tsp vegetable oil
• 
1/3 c fresh coconut, grated (or dried, unsweetened)
• 1 c pomegranate seeds

Heat vegetable oil in large pan. Temper mustard seeds, cumin, cardamom, turmeric, coriander, ginger and cinnamon. When mustard seeds begin to pop, stir in onions, garlic and salt. Stir in zucchini and cook until brown on the edges.

Put chopped and washed potatoes, carrots, peanuts and cauliflower into a deep, heavy soup pot (I used a pressure cooker). Add cloves, one cup of water, and onion/garlic/zucchini/ spice mixture. Stir, cover pot and simmer for 15-20 minutes or until veggies are tender. Add more salt if needed.

Meanwhile, cut paneer (or tofu) into 1/2 inch slices. Heat oil in a skillet and pan fry until golden brown. I don’t usually eat much paneer, but Hannah showed me her pan fried version – it tasted like a Bubbe blintz. Sweet, crunchy, milky salty friedness.

When vegetables are cooked through, stir in chopped dates, half of the pomegranate seeds and half of the shredded coconut. Garnish dish with paneer, remaining coconut and pomegranate. Eat alone or over rice/quinoa… or top with plain yogurt.

Sweet Pomegranate Chutney aka Charozet:

• 4 apples, chopped into 1/2 inch chunks
• 1 cup pomegranate seeds
• 1/3 cup golden raisin
• 1/3 cup pitted dates, finely chopped
• 4 cardamom pods, peeled and pulverized (or 1/2 tsp fresh ground cardamom)
• 3 tbs fresh tamarind paste
• juice of 1/2 lemon
• cinnamon to taste
• handful of fresh mint, chopped
• 1/2 c almonds, toasted and crushed
• 1/2 c cashews, toasted and crushed
• 1 tbs rice vinegar for tang

Reserve half of your mint, combine all ingredients and mix well. Garnish with remaining mint and serve chilled.

*Make sure to toast your nuts before crushing – best way to toast nuts is to place flat on oven sheet and bake at 350 degrees for 15 minutes (throw onto hot skillet until fragrant if oven is unavailable).

*To make tamarind paste, soak dried tamarind pieces in water overnight, and strain in the morning over a fine grate to remove fibers.

Paradise Creamed Spinach:

• coconut milk
• 1 onion, chopped
• 4 cloves of garlic, chopped
• 1 tsp salt
• lots of black pepper (Freshly ground please)
• 10 oz of fresh spinach
• Fresh juice of 1 lemon

Bring coconut milk to simmer and add onions, garlic, salt and black pepper. Stir until onions are translucent. Add spinach and stir until barely wilted (do not overcook!), about half a minute. Remove from heat and squeeze juice from whole lemon into spinach. Stir lightly and serve immediately. Perfect for vegans or a Parve side dish!

Curried Egg Salad:

• 12 eggs, boiled and chopped
• 2 cups plain yogurt
• 3 tbs yellow curry powder
• 1 tsp salt
• 1/2 cup chives, chopped
• 2/3 cup golden raisins
• 1 green pepper, chopped
• 1/4 c toasted sunflower or pumpkin seeds
• Garnish with cilantro and toasted nuts of choice

Combine all ingredients and toss lightly. Serve chilled over crackers or in a sandwich. Yogurt adds an extra tang – so much healthier than mayo!

Dear Shaina,

I just finished scrubbing down every inch of the kitchen after another disgusting foray into the world of homemade gefilte fish.  Every year I vow I will never do it again…those glaring fish eyes and impossibly elusive little bones…those little fish bits and pieces of skin that end up stuck on every surface in the kitchen…the endless dirty pots and bowls reeking from the debris of overcooked onions and fish carcasses… and the smell!.  What was I thinking?!  I don’t even think my gefilte fish tastes that good!

Maybe it’s like childbirth…you forget all the pain and suffering when everyone around you starts oohing and aahing over the end result.  And then people come to expect it…Passover wouldn’t be the same.  And my fish man, Jerry, from Nebraska… I talk to him once a year and he remembers my address! I tried not to call him this year, but I broke down in the end and placed my order at the last possible moment. How could I not call him before Passover?

Even the most torturous processes can be comforting. An hour of scrubbing the boiled-over burnt-on fish juice off the stove kept my mind painstakingly focused on my cleanser scarred fingertips. No other thoughts existed in my mind. I rubbed and scrubbed that stove until my cuticles started shedding and every speck of that black crusty glop was gone.  The sense of accomplishment in taking that stove down to its bare eyes and polishing it until it gleamed was beyond…well let’s just say, I am beginning to understand the methods of Bubbe’s cleaning madness.

Maybe we are just too much in our heads. Our minds are working overtime, so we engage in these consuming tasks.  they provide respite from being worried about your sore knee or the recent rapes in India…or being scared about not having an answer or trying to make sense of it all…so we go back for more.

Shaina, I love knowing that you have recognized the you you like.  I am proud that you have allowed yourself to go to a place where you are forced to pay attention to the process and to how you feel. And I am thrilled that you are playing…a lot.  You are correct.  Once you learn how to do these things, you can do them anywhere.  They are the answers to all the questions that really have no answers.  As your mother, and your biggest fan, it is my absolute pleasure to witness your remarkable journey…and to know, even if you don’t, that you are traveling in the right direction.

Learning how to rest

I am also practicing the fine art of playing and attending to the moments.  It is a lifelong learning.  I am grateful for my own evolving knowing of the me I like. I learned how to breathe a little more fully in yoga today and that downward dog really does provide a rest.

I feel good when I scrub down my kitchen and get a good foot massage when I get a pedicure.

Working out the kinks

I am learning a new way to hold up my head and strengthen my core so that my body doesn’t hurt me…and so I don’t hurt it.

I may even be able to balance my body…and my life…someday.

I have the rest of my life to learn…the same as you…the same as everyone.

This year just won’t be the same.

We’ll be having my gefilte fish at Seder in a few days. I am making some carrot Halwa and Indian Spiced Chicken. The agony of preparation will be over.  The Slivovitz will have kicked in and your presence will be both very much missed and very much felt in the moments of the evening.

Enjoy your Indian Passover at Hannah’s and don’t forget to Skype!

I love you and miss you.

Love,

Mom

Xoxooxoxoxo

P.S. I know you won’t be making Gefilte Fish anytime soon, but I needed to get it off my chest, so I am sending the recipe…and maybe someday.  I am also sending a favorite dessert.  It is as easy as the fish is hard and it will make the pain (it helps with the smell, too) go away.

Gefilte Fish

Makes 50 – 75 pieces depending on the size of each piece.

• 6 – 7 pounds of fish, filleted and deboned, save the heads, tails, bones and skin for fish broth
  Traditionally a combination of whitefish, yellow pike and carp is used for Gefilte Fish.
  I used carp (1lb.), buffalo fish (4 lbs.), walleye (1 lb.) and amberjack (1lb.) because that was what I could get.
• 3 onions
• 6 – 7 carrots
• Salt
• Pepper
• ½ cup sugar (or to taste)
• 4 -5 eggs
• 4 – 6 quarts of cold water
• ½ cup matzoh meal

Place the bones, skin and fish heads in a very large pot with the water and add 2 teaspoons of salt.  Cover and bring to a boil.  Remove the foam that accumulates.

Slice  2 onions in rounds and add to the fish broth.  Add the sugar and simmer for about 30 minutes while the fish mixture is being prepared.

All ground up and ready to go!

Grind the fish filets in a food processor with an onion and one or two carrots until it has a soft pasty texture.  Feel the fish with your hands to find any unground veiny pieces or small bones.  This is the really messy part and takes a while.

Add the eggs, one at a time, 2 teaspoons of salt and freshly ground pepper to taste and mix thoroughly. Mix in about a ½ cup of matzoh meal to make a light, soft mixture that will hold its shape.

Remove the fish heads, skins and bones from the fish broth. Add carrots cut in large chunks to the broth and return the broth to a simmer.

Wet hands with cold water and scoop up about a ¼ cup (may use more or less depending on how big you like your gefilte fish pieces) of the fish mixture and form into oval shapes. Gently place the fish patties into the simmering fish broth.  Cover loosely and simmer for 20 to 30 minutes.  Taste the liquid while the fish is cooking and add seasoning to taste. If you like a sweeter fish, add a little more sugar to the broth.  Simmer for another 20 minutes until flavors are cooked through and fish is done.

Using a slotted spoon, carefully remove the Gefilte Fish and arrange on a platter.  Reserve some of the fish broth to be served with the fish.

Cut cooked carrots into rounds on the diagonal and place on top of fish. Chill and garnish with parsley.  Have plenty of horseradish to serve with the Gefilte Fish.

The Chocolate Bomb

Preheat oven to 350°

Prep time – 15 minutes

Cooking time: 1 hour +

• 8 ounces German Sweet Chocolate or any good dark chocolate bars
• 2 teaspoons undiluted instant coffee or instant espresso powder
• 1 cup sugar
• ½ cup boiling water
• 1 cup butter at room temperature (2 sticks cut up into 6 pieces)
• 4 large eggs at room temperature
• 1 tablespoon flavoring of your choice – vanilla or almond extract or Cognac or Amaretto or any liqueur of your choice

Line a 5-cup soufflé dish, charlotte mold or oven proof ceramic bowl with a double thickness of foil.

This dessert is prepared entirely in a food processor using the basic steel chopping blade.

Break chocolate into pieces and drop into the food processor work bowl with instant coffee and sugar.  Pulse about 4 times until mixture gets started and then let processor run until the chocolate is finely chopped.

With processor running, pour boiling water through the feed tube. Let processor run until chocolate is melted and thoroughly mixed.

Add the butter and pulse 3 times.  Then let the processor run until the butter is blended completely into the chocolate mixture.

Add eggs and flavoring and process for 20 to 30 seconds.

Empty the mixture into the bowl lined with foil.  Bake in a preheated oven for about an hour.  Check after 45 minutes. It is done when it rises and a thick darkly browned (almost burnt) crust is formed.  Remove from oven and cool. The baked ball of chocolate will recede as it cools.

When cool, wrap foil around ball and seal in an airtight bag.  It may be stored in the refrigerator for up to two weeks or frozen for 2 months or more.

To serve, peel off foil and invert on a serving platter.  The outside of the ball will look sticky and irregular.

It can be garnished with strawberries or decorated with whipped cream or powdered sugar. Chill until serving time.  Cut in small pieces and serve.

Dear Shaina,

I keep reading your letter over and over again, just to look at the pictures…You in your ratty shorts and tee shirt standing by the stove, your hair haphazardly piled on top of your head and your smiling twisted body balancing your friend on your back at the Taj.  I can practically feel the dryness of your skin when I look at the picture of you touching the artistry on that wall. I love feeling you in your pictures. I guess I miss you, just a little!

People always ask me “How did you let her go?” or “Aren’t you scared?” 

The truth is… I am scared. I have been scared since the day you were yanked out of my body. It doesn’t really matter where you are. I will always be scared, but so what?  That doesn’t mean either of us have to stop living.  Being scared doesn’t change the outcome, whatever it may be.  So I ignore my scared in favor of marveling at your adventurous nature and taking pride in your accomplishments.

As far as not letting you go, was that ever even an option? I have been working on letting you go, also, since the day you were born. Isn’t that my job as a parent? Well, maybe I did too good a job.

I still do miss you. And your pictures bring you a little closer. I know that you are probably not missing us in exactly the same way, but I couldn’t help but think that you might find a small bit of pleasure from seeing some pictures of our life.  So I started taking pics everywhere I went…lest you think I just sit around all day and miss you.  I will warn you…these are iPhone pics taken in bad light by non-professionals in random situations at spontaneous moments. No photo commentary allowed.  These pics are for emotional purposes only.

As I looked through the lens of my camera, I realized that you are a virtual part of every scene in my life.

I volunteered at the White Elephant Sale at the Day School and there I was working in the gym in which you ran laps and said Shabbat blessings every Friday for eight years of your life. Your former principal was organizing the sale and we talked about where you were and what you were doing. You were with me in that gym for those hours that I folded and organized and stacked stuff.

I went over to the JCC to check out some replacement tiles for my mah jong set and they were teaching mah jong and needed a fourth, so I sat down at the table and there was your fifth grade teacher.  I remembered her name. She asked about you…and there you were again…with me at the table.

The NCCJ Awards dinner was last night and I was at a table with one of your Anytown co-workers.

I talked to a whole bunch of people who knew you and asked about you. My name was Shaina Shealy’s mom and I was so proud to have you with me all evening long.

There isn’t a day that goes by without a Shaina connection.

I know I haven’t mentioned much about food, although you are totally entwined in my life when it comes to food. My most recent experiment was replicating Bubbe’s Chicken Burgers.  Maybe I’m just in a missing mood, but I really wanted one of those garlicky Bubbe burgers, smothered with fried onions. I served them one Shabbat and everyone loved them. They were such a hit that I am considering making them as a Passover dish and using matzoh meal instead of flour.

I cant believe Passover is in three weeks!  Another opportunity to clean out the cupboards…and to miss you.  I’ll be pulling out the Indian fabric to drape over the tables and maybe even making a little Indian inspired spicy charoseth…to have a little of you there, at the table.

Have a wonderful Passover…wherever you happen to be…and keep sending those pictures!

Love,

Mom

Xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Bubbe’s Chicken Burgers

Easy and Delicious!

This recipe can be doubled for a crowd and the seasonings are really up to you. For gluten free burgers, just leave off the bread crumbs. They can be made cocktail sized and served on baguette rounds for a hearty appetizer.

• 4 -6 fresh cloves of garlic (use less if you’re not a garlic fan)
• ½ of a medium onion
• 2 pounds skinless boneless chicken breasts cleaned and trimmed (more or less)
• ⅓ cup bread crumbs
• 2 eggs
• Salt and pepper to taste
• 1 or 2 large sweet onions thinly sliced
• Olive oil

Put the onions and garlic in the food processor bowl with the steel chopping bladeand chop until minced. Add the chicken breasts, bread crumbs, eggs and salt and pepper to the bowl and process until the chicken is finely chopped.
In a large frying pan, sauté onions slices (I like a lot of onions) in a small amount of olive oil until translucent or lightly caramelized.  Use your hands (mixture is sticky so wet your hands with water as needed while making patties) to form chicken mixture into small flattened patties and sauté with the onions, adding oil as needed.  The onions will become more browned as the chicken burgers cook.  Cook thoroughly until done.  Make a small test burger and add seasonings as needed.

Can be served with pasta and salad or as a sandwich.  These are good hot, warm or cold.

2 pounds of chicken makes a whole lot of little burgers…enough for a crowd and leftovers. The recipe can easily be cut in half or doubled.

Burgers can be frozen and reheated. Just sauté some fresh onions and they are as good as the day they were made. They are almost as good as I remember Bubbe’s!