I don’t like your labels. You think what I’m going through is angst?
Newsflash: this is my life. It doesn’t need fixing. Sure, it needs perspective every now and then. But I’m not some angsty 15 year old in need of a pep talk and a Prozac.
I’m not depressed. I have fleeting in and outs with the overwhelming nothingsness of my life. I think that’s how it’s supposed to be. I’m not on any sort of career path, I’m cluessless about love, I don’t know what makes me happy, I don’t understand the value of most of my efforts… but am I really supposed to? What’s the point?
Panic. Calm. Nothing. Happy. Full. Nothing. Calm. Whatever.
Sure it’s frustrating, but I’m over the angst. It just is what it is.
I even feel like we’re on the same page, just communicating it differently. You and dad re don’t know what you’ll do next. You have another chance to think about what you want to be when you grow up. So you go to Oregon to experience the present moments in order to figure out what makes you feel good. I get that.
- Is questioning your “fit” with Birmingham something new? Because I could’ve predicted that uncertainty years ago.
- You wrote that you had a clear vision for your life when you were in your 20s (friends, family, community), but do you have a clear vision of what you want now? I’m curious because I’m without one.
I do understand that Birmingham is comfortable and familiar. Nostalgia has a strong grip on my heart, and it pulls my desire to return to Birmingham all the time.
But right now, familiarity is boring and comfort is painful. I’m itching for a new adventure… one thousand bites from Indian monster mosquitos itching.
India. I’ve been thinking about it too much lately. Two years ago, I celebrated Rosh Hashana in an Ashram in Ahmedabad. It was a time where I felt that my life was so full (of who knows what). There seemed to be so much.
I think that you and dad are doing it right… Taking off on grand explorations to experience the present moment.
I need more practice. I do indulge in present moments, one by one… but I want to get lost in them. I want to get lost in and feel satisfied with my moments. How can I practice?
Yoga? I get too ancy.
Vegas? Dancing my pants off with thousands of half naked bodies in a murky day club pool is my zen.
Dani’s bachelorette party last weekend was out of control. We were 13 girls in 2 hotel rooms with 1 goal to party hard for Dani. And nearly a week later, my body is still in recovery from the debauchery.
First of all, can you believe it? Baby Dani’s getting married?! I don’t understand!! I’ve never seen someone so genuinely happy with his or her life. It makes me so happy to see her so happy. A glimmer of hope for all of us.
It was also refreshing to be with a group of girls just like me, 24 and clueless about goals and dreams. But the difference is that they’re ok. In my DC circle, it seems that everyone makes up some random goal/dream in his/her head, and works day in and day out to pursue the freaking dream for the sake of pursing a dream.
Just dance your pants off.
Maybe I’m looking for the wrong things. I’m sad because I don’t know what “dream” to pursue. But maybe the dream is to be motivated, feel good, explore new things always, grow spiritually and emotionally and learn continuously. Can I leave it at that? Can I be ok with it?
Are those the dreams that I can sacrifice everything for?
I’ll think about it…
Rosh Hashana is creeping up and I want to take a pause for some serious resolution making. I want to find what makes me feel good.
In the spirit of Rosh Hashana and and indulging in the moments, I created two ridiculously indulgent, luxurious India-inspired recipes. They’re perfect for ringing in a sweet new year… and both gluten free!
They are rich. They are full. They are an adventure. They are even sort of healthy. And I made them up all by myself!
These two are a great success.
Love ya and Shabbat Shalom!
PS. Arielle and I are throwing one of our Shabbat shindig/party/disasters tonight. Here’s a preview of the menu: grilled peach/avocado salad, succotash with roasted tomatoes and grilled corn, herbed zucchini soup and Gujarati eggplant. I may have to post out of turn to share the most successful recipes.
- 4 C Raw Pepitas (Pumpkin Seeds)
- 1/2 C Raisins
- 2 Tbs honey or agave
- Fresh cardamom to taste
- Clove Powder
- Sea salt
- 1 tsp coconut oil
- 2/3 C Unsweetened Coconut shreds
Put pepitas, salt, coconut oil (just a drop!), honey/agave, and spices into food processor and blend until it becomes a dark green butter. Stir in raisins. Store in fridge for half an hour or until butter becomes firm. Remove from fridge and roll into balls.
Then, drop them in a bowl of coconut shreds until the balls become covered in coconut. Serve chilled or at room temperature (they become mushy in heat).
Stick to a gluten free diet? I don’t recommend trying to pretend this is Rosh Hashana raisin Challah… but I do believe the two serve the same symbolic purpose: round, sweet and indulgent.
- 2 C Raw Cashews
- 2 tbs Curry Powder
- 1 dash cayenne pepper
- 1 dash sea salt
- 1 tsp turmeric
Put all ingredients into food processor and blend until consistency of creamy butter is reached. It helps if you have a vitamix (it takes about half a minute), but I’ve done it in a cuisinarte and it works fine. If you use a cuisinarte, be careful of the engine/blades overheating. If they get to hot they’ll “cook” the raw cashews, and some of the sweetness of their rawness will be diluted.
Spread over apples and drizzle with honey… or raisin challah for a real treat!
Above: My tricolor tub of nut butters – pepitas (pumpkin seeds, cashews and pistachios). Thank you, vitamix.