Dear mom,

Is it insensitive to say it’s your own damn fault?

We only-children have a lot of psychological barriers to conquer. The most important one for me is recognizing that having all of your eggs in one basket is not my problem. I’ve got my own eggs to carry  (totally NOT in a reproductive sense  – keep dreaming).

Plus… kids drop out of school, do drugs and things with strangers, try heroine. I board airplanes and buses. Should we start the would-you-rather-I game?

Asking me to tailor my needs, ambitions and desires to curb your delusional neuroses is  the opposite of promoting psychological well-being. And it’s rude. As your brother Abe says, stop putting me back in the womb.

AND.

Irrational fears. Your heart is eased when you see that I’ve been with family. Statistically, this is when you should be MOST afraid. The only times I’m in a car is when I’m with family… There’s a much higher risk of danger as a passenger on a highway anywhere than receiving a body-scrub at an all-female spa in Ramallah. Just saying.

Alas, the psychoanalytical intuition I inherited from you and dad forces me to question my curtness in this letter. There’s a reason — an admission that I’m embarrassed to share: I’m still in the process of convincing myself that my eggs (ieech I hate this metaphor) are my own.  What does this process look like? A 19 year old in Uganda by herself; bare shoulders and midriff smack-dab in the middle of 100,000 ultra-orthodox men protesting; a Jew in Ramallah; a not-nice letter from daughter to mother. This is the manifestation of my only-child syndrome. 

(All that insight without therapy! I deserve a cookie… good thing there are hamantaschen in the freezer.)

I do what I want.

There are so many other forces (such as personal values) that drive me to do what I want, but I also need to know my eggs are mine. To reemphasize: I’m going to keep doing my darndest NOT to remember that all of your eggs are in one basket. Sorry I’m not sorry ok I am sorry clearly not sorry enough.

xo,

Shaina

I’m eager to start prepping for our Birmingham-in-Israel Shabbat cross-continental Shabbats even though it’s weeks away. I’ve already started to plan a menu so I’ll share two recipes that I’ll definitely include at the table. You can make both or either for your guests, though you’ll probably only make the first, Mujadra. You may hold off on the second recipe because I feel like grown-ups don’t eat vegan cookies.

Mejadra is a  Middle Eastern dish that Arabs and Israelis share. It’s economical, healthy, quick, tasty and found on almost every Middle Eastern menu. I make it all the time – the flavors blend well with most foods I eat here – tahini, crisp persian cucumbers, labneh, hummus blablabla. In the version below, it’s made with wild rice instead of traditional basmati. I’ve also thrown in a cup or two of quinoa to mix things up. This is the kind of dish that’s always a hit with guests.

Wild Rice Mujadra

• 1 tsp olive oil
• 4 white onions, chopped
• 5-8 cloves garlic, chopped
• 2 tsp cumin seeds
• 2 tsp coriander seeds
• 1 tsp turmeric
• 1 tsp cinnamon
• 1 2/3 cup brown or green lentils
• 1 2/3 cup wild rice
• 4 cups water
• fresh ground black pepper
• handful of parsley, chopped

Heat olive oil in pan and add onion and garlic. Sautee until onions are brown. Add spices and stir until fragrant. Add lentils and rice and stir for 2 – 5 minutes. Add water and bring to boil. Simmer for 20 – 30 minutes until lentils are tender. Garnish with parsley. Serve as a side dish to meet or veggies, dollop with yogurt and chopped cucumbers, top it with a fried egg.

About my previous idea that grown-ups don’t eat vegan cookies. I don’t know. I have an idea in my head that my demographic is the only one that doesn’t have an activity more satisfying than constructing bulk fiberous, nutrient-dense ingredients into something delicious. We work stupid jobs or do meaningless homework and “fun” is sitting at a bar trying to connect with dumb boys. We’re all trying to build something new and unique and great and sometimes the only place that happens is in the kitchen… at least it’s a start? Who avoids butter when they have careers and kids and cars and stuff? Maybe it’s just in my head.

Anyway: these cookies are loaded with all sorts of chocolate and weird grains. It did the trick this time – I created something great and unique foreal.

Triple Dark Chocolate Rye (Vegan, Wheat-Free) Cookies

• 0.75 oz good dark chocolate (about half a chocolate bar)
• 1 1/2 c rye fl
• 1 c rolled oats
• 2 tsp baking powder
• 1 tsp salt
• 1/3 c dark, vegan cocoa powder (I use Ghiradeli)

• 2/3 c dark chocolate chips (I use Ghiradeli)
• 4 tbs coconut oil
• 4 oz full fat coconut milk
• 1/2 tsp vanilla
• 1/2 c sugar

Preheat over to 350 degrees and line a baking sheet with parchment paper.

Shred or take a hammer to a good chocolate bar (I did the latter) to break it into small pieces.

Mix with remaining dry ingredients. Set aside. In a separate bowl, add coconut milk, oil, chocolate chips and vanilla. Heat in microwave or over stove just until chocolate is melted (about 45 seconds). Be careful not to burn chocolate! Stir to combine ingredients and then add sugar. Before it cools completely, mix with dry ingredients.

Scoop 1 tbs full of cookie dough onto parchment-lined baking sheet. The cookies do not expand much, but be sure to leave about one inch of space in between them just in case. Bake for 12 – 18 minutes and allow to cool. Serve with a full glass of cold soy milk (ew just kidding). I don’t what vegans drink with their chocolate cookies.

To emphasize the message of my letter, here’s what I did this week:

I prayed with Women of the Wall on Rosh Chodesh with women who desire to express their Judaism out loud at the Kotel.

I went to Ramallah on a girls spa trip and saw what a ballagan check-points can be

I ventured to the city center to be surrounded by hundreds of thousands of religious men protesting the government’s mandatory military draft